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[27 Jul 2008|12:26pm] |
i have to start packing. we need to be out of here in FIVE DAYS and i have no idea where to start and no one to help me.
fuckfuckfuck
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[20 Jun 2008|03:48pm] |
things are on their way out of the gutter.
improvements:
-got into school for an acting for film and television program at humber (immediate acceptance!)
-now have something to look forward to in the fall
-will be living in toronto, going to school, and generally be in a much better position than i have been for the past year and a half
-bought new makeup with sonia (my friend jacob's girl) and it is sparkly and pretty
..still lots to be done. such as find a place to live.
_tea
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[15 Jun 2008|09:51am] |
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everything is in shambles.
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| the sky is falling! the sky is falling! |
[03 Jun 2008|12:24pm] |
for the past month or so, i've been worrying about absolutely everything. my future, essentially. it's an incredibly difficult time for me right now but it's really hard to talk about it. it seems that no one wants to teach me; i haven't been accepted at any school yet and the one i really wanted to go to treated my entire audition group as if we were completely worthless and not even worth a ten minute interview. i'm so broke right now that i only have a dollar in my bank account and i still haven't paid all of the bills. i can't even afford a pack of cigarettes so i'm rolling my own with the tobacco i brought back from holland. i don't know what i'm going to do in the fall.. i'll probably be living on my own and i don't know where i will be or how i will pay for it or where i'll work or if i'll get into school or if i'll have to simply take a shitty job in order to live and try to get acting work and experience without the advantage of training. my current employer has failed to give me my vacation pay and i've been asking for it since december, but i can't afford to quit and for some reason it's incredibly difficult for me to get a job. no one wants to teach me, no one wants to live with me, no one wants to have me work for them.
i don't know what the fuck is going on.
i need help but i don't know who to go to for advice.
the future is fucking terrifying.
_tea
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| wat zegt je? |
[18 May 2008|03:38pm] |
i love my family, i really do.. but they can be very boring. and very dutch.
ho hummmmm
kaylea and i are going shopping tomorrow in 's-hertogenbosch which should be nice. we're also going to try to find a coffeeshop and SMOKE A FAT BLUNT, YO. tuesday we're not doing anything of importance except maybe going to the market in town in the morning, but wednesday, oh! WEDNESDAY!, kaylea and i are going to explore amsterdam which will probably be a whole barrel full of monkeys. thursday we come back.
honey honeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy! i miss you lovah. when i come back i will sing you this little song i wrote for you that kinda goes like this:
ohhhh andrewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
you are cuuuuuuuuute
i looooooooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... andrew bell.
ahahhahahahhahahaa he probably won't even read this.
i have had precisely one glass of wine too many and now i am tottering off to sleep before my grandparents (it's twenty to ten).
goodnight my darlings,
_tea
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| lovah |
[04 May 2008|12:06pm] |
photos by jacob allen-jordan
_tea
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| MY FUTURE: |
[22 Apr 2008|08:03pm] |
i think that i'm going to go live as a hermit in the forest in a tree house. i will live off wild berries and squirrels that i trap. i will let my hair grow into dreadlocks, become filthy and encrusted with dirt, grow some hideous warts and die alone. it's all i'm fit for.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!
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| grrrrrrrrr |
[31 Mar 2008|06:13pm] |
sometimes i get so worked up and so unbelievably angry about the smallest things.
THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES.
it's not that fucking difficult to rinse off your dishes if you're not going to wash them right now. if you're the last one out of bed, make it. stop leaving your underwear and your socks on the bathroom floor! you're walking to the bedroom to get dressed anyway, take them with you and put them in the laundry bin. quit leaving your weed paraphernalia strewn around the living room; tidy it up and put it all in the same place. don't write down important information (like CREDIT CARD NUMBERS and ADDRESSES) on scraps of paper, write them in the books that i have conveniently placed beside the telephone. i don't drink beer, why am i recycling old beer cans?! WTF DUDE PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF. go to class if you're so concerned about getting into college. actually APPLY instead of waiting for me to do it for you. stop it with the sense of entitlement bullshit, my relatives are wealthy too and i'm not moaning about how i'm dirt poor and not getting anything from them. get off your ass. stop smoking so much weed (even just waiting until you're home from work would be a major improvement). clean up once in a while.. when have you ever cleaned the toilet? don't sass me about going out to get me hairspray.. ONE FUCKING FAVOUR. do you go get groceries when you have time off? do you buy the shower gel, shampoo, dish soap, toilet paper, razor blades, and other necessities when we run out? do you vacuum nearly every day to get rid of the fucking cat hair? do you empty the litter box daily? feed the cat? do all the laundry every week, do you dust, sweep, windex, scrub? NO! i'm about ready to tear my hair out!
sorry.
so d.m.f.s. made a sweet bit of art starring me. i love it. here it isssssss
he is making one for me in teal.
i'm tired of typing now.
_tea
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| stupid cat |
[22 Mar 2008|06:11pm] |
our stupid cat julio is a fat fuck.
he is currently sitting on my arms, making it nearly impossible for me to type.
last night he jumped all over the piano keys while we were sleeping, knocked over a glass of milk into the carpet, and tried to rip my satin dressing gown.
stupid animal.
_tea
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| ack! |
[23 Feb 2008|02:34pm] |
two nights ago i had several dreams about fires.. last night i accidentally left a candle burning when i went off to work! thankfully nothing happened - andrew blew it out when he came home - but it was left unattended for 5 hours. i could've torched everything i own, including my new (to me) piano! i could've incinerated the cat!
stupid.
_tea
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| YESSSSS |
[13 Feb 2008|08:50pm] |
i found a free piano online!
i recruited brooks and his friends to pick it up with me and get it into our apartment!
all for the price of two 40s!
yessssssssssssssss
_tea
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[13 Feb 2008|10:40am] |
there is a space in my living room that would be perfect for an upright piano but i can't afford one.
i miss playing music.
today i will search online for cheap pianos. hints? tips? tricks?
_tea
< EDIT > DOES ANYONE LOCAL KNOW OF ANY STRAPPING YOUNG LADS WILLING TO CAREFULLY MOVE/SLIDE A PIANO UP TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS FOR CHEAPCHEAP? </ EDIT >
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| GO GIANTS! |
[03 Feb 2008|10:57pm] |
I JUST WON $300 IN THE
WINCHESTER ARMS SUPERBOWL POOL!
i don't even understand football and i fucking WON! hahahahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa life is great.
_tea
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| more whiskas, more love |
[29 Jan 2008|12:51am] |
everyone, meet my new best friend.
that's julio.
i love him lots even though he's a scaredy-cat and hides under the couch all day. but at night, he STRIKES! with his heart full of sweet latin loving and a spanish purr.
i.. don't know what i'm talking about.
uhh bye
_tea
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| the cat bit my finger. |
[19 Jan 2008|12:35am] |
most of the time, i wish i could just sort of melt away into a puddle and trickle on down through the earth. everyone's secretly laughing at me, all of the time.
i don't want to speak, i don't want to laugh, i don't want to cry, i don't want anything except to dripdripdrip into the soil and help a tree to grow into a trunkbranchestwigsbudsleaves and perch at the top where i can watch the rest of the world making a fool out of themselves - instead of me.
i feel like starting over. or stopping.
_tea
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| livejournal? is that.. you? |
[06 Jan 2008|02:24am] |
i don't really like writing in here anymore. i'd rather tell those close to me the important bits and forget about the internet.
HOWEVER -
it is my twentieth birthday next thursday and i am really excited.
yayyyyyyy party!
other than that, my life consists of working a lot, thinking about schools, trying to convince julio (the spanish scaredy-cat) to come out and play, staring at the toy dinosaur sitting in my cactus plant, and having happy little moments with andrew.
i'm quite boring but it really doesn't matter. i'm in good spirits.
_tea
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[21 Oct 2007|05:00pm] |
phew
i'm glad i'm over that.
today is pretty.
_tea
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| needy girl |
[19 Oct 2007|02:44pm] |
i smoke too much and i eat too little; my phone calls are desperate and pathetic, just like me.
i wish i had a stick of dynamite.
i'd strap it to my body and take as much as i could with me. most of north america would crumble. i'll take out everything that has ever let me fuck up.
my sister bought me a simon and garfunkel record. i've been playing it over and over, sitting on the floor of my apartment. the music sounds even better on tinny speakers, with cracks and pops every few seconds.
if i play it loud enough, it'll drown out my brain.
when i get home tonight from work, i'll drink a bottle of wine, light some candles, and sit back down on the floor. maybe i'll break out the picture frame. maybe i'll break.
_tea
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| please tell me i'm overreacting, |
[19 Oct 2007|02:25pm] |
please let me know everything will be alright.
i'm extremely sad and worried.
am i just always lonely or am i really alone?
W.T.F?!
_tea
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| 'indian head' hijinks |
[13 Oct 2007|05:57pm] |
photo-cred: jacob allen-jordan.
i feel weird today. weird, angry, and maybe a little bit sad. i think it has something to do with STUPID work and STUPID landlords and STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID everything.
ugh, i am so articulate right now.
sarcasm.
_tea
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